it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Four minutes until I can fart!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
