so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
