it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
