This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
