I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
