Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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