I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
