I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
