real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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