do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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