I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
