I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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