ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
