Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
