I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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