Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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