Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
