non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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