News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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