I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
