Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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