Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Shame is for Republicans.
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