peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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