all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
