Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
