your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We need a shit load of segways right now
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
