totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
