Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My Higher Power is John Stamos
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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