Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
