Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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