We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
