I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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