I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
