My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
