Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
