I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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