I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm too high and old for this...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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