Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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