You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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