i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
