Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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