Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Randomize
