I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
