My hand turned me down
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
