Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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