I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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