taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
