im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
