Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I want to be your penis for a week.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
