Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
